The sun started to turn red and Timothy said that it was coming around to the Cay. Timothy tied everything they needed on the trees with the rope he made. They started to hear the waves crash on the rocks and the wind started to pick up they felt the the rain splashing on there bodies it got stronger and stronger. Timothy said the hut blew away the rain got so hard it would spray pieces of sand on their bodies so hard it would really hurt so then Timothy told Phillip to go against the palm and them Timothy wrapped his arms around the palm taking all of the forces of the wind and rain keeping Phillip safe. The "Tempis" started to die down, but Timothy said that it will come back again ,but till then they had a rest. It was about 20 minutes later when the hurricane came back. Timothy was holding Phillip tightly against the bark of the palm tree. They both fell unconscious. Phillip woke up and the storm was gone. He started feeling around for Timothy and found his body he knew that Timothy took all the force of the storm and he knew that he was bleeding but Phillip didn't know what to do. Phillip and Timothy were both completely naked. Phillip tried to wake Timothy up and waited patiently for his answer. Timothy's first words was "Phill-eep...you..all right...be true. Timothy was very weak he rolled on his stomach in the sand and Phillip thought he was asleep so Phillip went to sleep too. Phillip woke up again and it was about dawn. He called Timothy's name and held his and it was stiff at that time Phillip knew that Timothy is now dead. Phillip just stayed there right beside him and he did not cry Phillip went back to sleep. When Phillip awakened for the third time he heard Stew cat and brought Stew cat up on his lap and cried he cried all night. Phillip knew that from now on he was alone on an Abandoned cay.
Monday, October 27, 2008
D'Tempis
The sun started to turn red and Timothy said that it was coming around to the Cay. Timothy tied everything they needed on the trees with the rope he made. They started to hear the waves crash on the rocks and the wind started to pick up they felt the the rain splashing on there bodies it got stronger and stronger. Timothy said the hut blew away the rain got so hard it would spray pieces of sand on their bodies so hard it would really hurt so then Timothy told Phillip to go against the palm and them Timothy wrapped his arms around the palm taking all of the forces of the wind and rain keeping Phillip safe. The "Tempis" started to die down, but Timothy said that it will come back again ,but till then they had a rest. It was about 20 minutes later when the hurricane came back. Timothy was holding Phillip tightly against the bark of the palm tree. They both fell unconscious. Phillip woke up and the storm was gone. He started feeling around for Timothy and found his body he knew that Timothy took all the force of the storm and he knew that he was bleeding but Phillip didn't know what to do. Phillip and Timothy were both completely naked. Phillip tried to wake Timothy up and waited patiently for his answer. Timothy's first words was "Phill-eep...you..all right...be true. Timothy was very weak he rolled on his stomach in the sand and Phillip thought he was asleep so Phillip went to sleep too. Phillip woke up again and it was about dawn. He called Timothy's name and held his and it was stiff at that time Phillip knew that Timothy is now dead. Phillip just stayed there right beside him and he did not cry Phillip went back to sleep. When Phillip awakened for the third time he heard Stew cat and brought Stew cat up on his lap and cried he cried all night. Phillip knew that from now on he was alone on an Abandoned cay.
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1 comment:
Your writing is very complete, Julian. Use more vivid, vigorous words if you can. Treasure Hunt: can you find the one massive, run on sentence and break it up into smaller ones?
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